remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
