I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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