My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
