he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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