i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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