I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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