I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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