I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
