I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
