how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
