If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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