What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
