Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
