I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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