I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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