WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
