Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
