I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
