my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
