u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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