did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
