Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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