and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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