margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
