There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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