The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
