I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
