it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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