I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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