Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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