Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
