I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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