I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize