Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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