I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
