I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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