That's intense
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
