i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
