Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
