you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
