the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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