Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize