I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
