He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize