My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
