I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
