guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
