Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just google imaged poop.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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