Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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