So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
