Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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