Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
