its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
