we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
