I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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