Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize