Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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