He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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