my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
