I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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