I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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